13 Projects for 2013

Happy New Year!

Even though the boys are out of town with their grandparents and Prickly Dad and I are free to do whatever we want (within reason, that is), we stayed home last night and watched the Twilight Zone marathon (a Prickly Mom tradition that has been going on since at least 2001). So we were up and at 'em early this morning: I'm blogging, and Prickly Dad is over at Home Depot, pressing his face against the glass, waiting for them to unlock the doors.

I've decided against making "normal" resolutions this year, namely, "exercise more" and such-like. I'd like to think that would happen organically, and if it does, wonderful. I'm more concerned about continuing my work on last year's resolution to yell at my kids less. I hate to say I'm still yelling, but I have made tremendous progress on this goal. It's so important to me that I'm going to carry it over to 2013.

So today, I've decided to compile the "13 Projects for 2013": a baker's dozen of tasks, big and small, that I've been meaning to do and would improve my life in some way. Since I actually want to check some of these things off the list this week and even today, I'm going to try to keep it going by adding new items so there are always 13. Let's make it a lucky number!

37 Tips for Frazzled Moms

I was feeling overwhelmed and discouraged the other day and forced myself to sit down and make a master list of everything I've been meaning to do to help make my life run more smoothly. I don't know how long it's going to take me to tackle the entire list (#29 accidentally became the first "done"), but I hope it's before Pie turns 18 in 2027.

Thanks to all the mom bloggers who provided inspiration for this list. You seriously keep me sane.

37 Things I Think Would Help

1. Being able to reflect/collect my thoughts first thing in the morning before the whining/demanding starts
2. Exercising in the morning by myself (treadmill or yoga)
3. Having designated shower days/times
4. Having everyone's outfits picked out the night before
5. Knowing what I was going to make for breakfast
6. Having "breakfast boxes" on the bottom shelf of the fridge (ideally for the kids to get themselves)
7. Knowing more quick/healthy breakfast options that the boys will eat
8. Making a daily to do list (with or without pictures)
9. Having a more organized shoe/coat situation
10. Making checklists for the boys with morning routine tasks (potty, get dressed, eat, play, shoes/coat, etc.)
11. Having a plan to deal with begging for treats throughout the day without having to argue
12. Planning lunch/snack options in advance
13. Making the boys do chores (collect dirty dishes, put back pillows/cushions, clean up toys, scrub floors)
14. Having a chore schedule for myself
15. Making a daily schedule for myself (with designated laundry/dishes/meal prep times)
16. Making a weekly schedule for myself for school hours (meal prep, cleaning, phone calls, nap)
17. Enforcing rest/quiet time for Pie (and myself)
18. Making a calendar with designated "I get to choose/I get to go first" days for each boy
19. Having "busy bag" or "file folder"-type activities on hand for when I'm working in the kitchen
20. Making an "Okay, Mom" reward chart
21. Figuring out how to teach the boys not to interrupt/take turns speaking
22. Talking in a quiet voice when I get angry
23. Extinguishing tantrums the John Rosemond way
24. Running or kicking a ball around
25. Going outside more
26. Playing with/enjoying the boys instead of worrying
27. Scheduling one-on-one time with each kid
28. Knowing in advance what was for dinner
29. Enforcing "The Kitchen Hour" for myself
30. Feeling less defeated about pleasing everybody at dinner (make what I want instead of worrying about everyone else)
31. Making rules about daily milk and juice consumption
32. Making the boys get their own drinks
33. Serving a bedtime snack/milk every night
34. Making a tradition/routine of checking the weather with the boys and planning tomorrow's outfit
35. Having "candle time" (a quiet reflection/meditation time…maybe with the bedtime snack)
36. Starting bedtime earlier…or prescribe an "end time" with the Time Timer
37. Making husband do bedtime a couple times a week

I Don't Even Have a "Plan A"

It's raining today, the boys aren't cooperating, Pie's month-long tantrum continues, Bug is screaming because he got play dough in his eye. And I'm exhausted. Yes, Pie (aka "The Little Dictator") had me up and down all night, but it's not even that: I'm exhausted on every plane: physically, mentally, spiritually...and any other planes that might exist.

Today's last straw was when I finally found a minute to sit down on the couch. Pie found me immediately and demanded another scrambled egg right now. I started to explain to (read: plead with) him that I needed a minute to sit down; he could eat anything else on his plate while he was waiting...blah, blah, blah. Then it hit me: he doesn't care. He. Wants. His. Egg. All I am to him at the moment is a scrambled-egg dispenser, not a separate individual with her own needs and feelings.

While the second egg was in the microwave, I made notes on the back of an envelope: try to find out how to deal with feelings of being overwhelmed, feelings that it's me against them, and the realization that I'm responsible for what kind of tone I'm setting for myself (and in turn, the kids)--there's no one here to help me.

One of my go-to bloggers, Meagan Francis of The Happiest Mom, sums up my current state of mind almost exactly:

In my post a couple of weeks ago about obstacles to happiness as a mom, I listed “being overwhelmed” as one of my top 5. While commenters chimed in with a whole list of other obstacles–things like lack of time for oneself, loss of control, and unrealistic expectations–I reflected about how all of those things can, for me, lead to feeling overwhelmed. So maybe being overwhelmed isn’t so much a single obstacle as it is the end result of many of the things that are part and parcel of a mom’s life: noise, mess, chaos, ever-changing routines, an incredible sense of responsibility, never enough time in the day…etc.

Francis suggests identifying your triggers and getting a plan (at least that was my personal take-away). So now I'm revisiting a concept I've put off again and again for over four years now: getting the boys and myself on a schedule. Another blogger I read today (Mommy Ponders) wrote a post about getting on a schedule and planning an activity (which flopped that day)--and not having a "Plan B." Then something else hit me: I don't even have a freakin' "Plan A!" Could that be the heart of my problem?

I seriously don't think I can conquer these feelings of utter exhaustion unless I do something, and maybe putting a plan or a schedule in place is what that "something" is. That, and coming to terms with my principal role as scrambled-egg provider. Bawk.

(Post-script, September 2012: I hashed these thoughts out with my therapist soon after writing this post, and discovered that things weren't as bleak as they appeared. I will write a more in-depth update on this soon. Eggs to you!)