Attachment Parenting for Introverts

I've been thinking a lot lately about Attachment Parenting. I certainly didn't follow it when either of my kids were infants (when I look back, I probably tried way too hard at times to invent Detachment Parenting), and I honestly don't think I'd do it if I were able to relive the boys' baby days. I'm an introvert and I need my daily solitude.

Plus, my kids are so clingy that sometimes I think they're practicing "Attachment Child-ing."

Me and Pie.

Looking back, I see now that because of my constant stress and lack of self-care during the past five years, my boys probably don't have as full a sense of safety and security as I would have liked. I let them both "cry it out" before age one. I've sent them to their rooms for being naughty when I see now that they were most likely acting out because they needed me to help them feel safe and secure. I've angrily sent Bug back to his own bed plenty of times in the middle of the night because I was totally against co-sleeping (even though co-sleeping has been going on since the beginning of time).

So, during a recent Google search, I came across this article: Why Introverts Fail at Attachment Parenting, and this tidbit that jumped out at me--"Introverts require periodic alone-time in order to function properly, so constant connection to their children is simply not reasonable."

It's true: there usually comes a point at the end of the day (sometimes I can stretch it out to a day and a half) when I just can't handle being talked to or touched any more until I can have some "alone time" to recharge my battery. Denying myself my needed quiet and solitude usually results in a crazy woman who flips out on everyone and everything in her path. That's most likely what would have precluded me from practicing Attachment Parenting.

But, do I agree that introverts simply can't be "attached" parents? I'm not sure. I do think that it would take an amazing amount of discipline on the introverted mom's part to clearly separate time with the child and alone time (that would mean no more trying to fit in ten minutes of zone-out time for myself on the computer while the kids are playing next to me. Zone-out time would have to be completely separate from present-with-the-kids time).

In my own case, whether or not I could have done Attachment Parenting during the early years is sort of a moot point. However, I'm coming to the realization that if I could try to integrate elements of Attachment Parenting into my "style" (most notably, positive discipline strategies and determining the true needs behind behavior issues) and make sure to address my alone-time requirement, my kids might become less clingy and attention-seeking (I'm thinking I probably "created the monster" by trying too hard to isolate myself while I should have been fully present with them). It's taken me five years to figure out what the "balance" is supposed to consist of, but I don't think it's too late to fill in the empty spaces in my boys' senses of safety and security. Hopefully there's still time.

Here's some more to read...

• 6 Survival Strategies for the Introverted Mom
• How to Be a Happy Introvert Mom
• 10 Survival Tips for Introverted Parents
• Tips for Introverted Parents Raising Extroverted Kids
• Mothering as an Introvert

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