The Three Types of Hugs

My kids have been out of state with their grandparents for the last week. I'm not going to lie--it's been bliss. I've been able to do things like read, sit quietly, nap, clean, and think: things that mothers of little ones can't usually do uninterrupted. It's been a wonderful vacation.

Since yesterday, though, I've been feeling out of sorts, even sad. Of course I miss my boys. But I also know that by tomorrow, when they've been home 24 hours, I'm already going to be counting the weeks until their next overnight jaunt with relatives.

So, what gives?

It's the hugging. And the cuddling. I need hugs to live. This is not an exaggeration. I'll even take it a step further. They can't be just any hugs--they have to be a certain type of hug. For me, at least, hugs fall into three categories:

The perfunctory (socially prompted) hug: this is your run of the mill "okay, Little Johnny, hug your Aunt Mary" or darn it, everybody else is hugging; I'd better hug or I'll look like a tool hug. There are two people with their arms encircling one another to some extent, but there is no connection on any higher plane.

The in-between hug: this hug probably includes some semblance of a squeeze or a pat and sentiments that include thoughts like I really enjoyed seeing you or you matter to me or I feel some kind of kinship with you.

Pie, the Hug-Master General

The Energy Transfer: this, my friends, is the mother of all hugs, the hug that most nurturers can identify; the kind of hug that says, I get you. I love you unconditionally. Just let go, and I will hold on to your troubles for a minute so you can have peace. This is the kind of hug I imagine God gives. God and a very, very small inner circle of people closest to you.

I learned The Energy Transfer from my mom, and in turn, am teaching it to my husband and my boys. I think The Energy Transfer is a magical thing that has to be experienced and learned (I don't know why I think that, I just do.) I remember staying overnight at my Grandma's when I was a little girl and feeling out of sorts. I knew a hug would make me feel better, so I asked Grandma if she would stand up and give me a hug like my mom would. She did...it was physically identical to a hug from my mom, but it was missing something. It was missing the energy. That's when I realized the power of The Energy Transfer, and the fact that not all hugs were the same. I, personally, need The Energy Transfer to live.

And that's why I've been out of sorts the past couple days. I've been missing the daily hugs and cuddles of two little boys who already, at the ages of six and four, are masters of The Energy Transfer. In just a few hours from now, they will both be getting the hugging of a lifetime.

Want more proof of the power of hugs? Check out these links.

• 10 Reasons We Need at Least 8 Hugs a Day
• How Hugging and Kissing Help Your Health
• 8 Health Benefits of Hugging
• 6 Surprising Stress Fixes