Sweethearts, Mommy is sick.
I need to tell them before they think it's their fault (and if they already do think it's their fault, we need to clear that up as soon as possible).
Mommy has an illness called depression. It's kind of different from other sicknesses because you can't see it from the outside. I'm going to get better, but right now, my brain isn't working properly. it's kind of like there's a door in my brain that is stuck shut and none of the "happy" can get out. That makes it easy for all the "sad" and "angry" to take over my brain and make me cry and yell more than I should. My doctors are giving me medicine that will help un-stick the brain door so the "happy" can get out, but it might take a while for the treatment to work. I'm probably going to need to rest more than usual until I feel better. I need you to understand that I love you no matter what. My sickness is making me cry, not you. I still want you to be good boys and follow the rules, but I also want you to remember that it's all the the extra "angries" in my brain that are making me get so upset. I still love you no matter what, and I'm really looking forward to getting better so I can be Regular Mommy again.
More resources:
- 6 Things Every Kid Should Know About a Parent's Depression (this is a MUST-READ)
- Depressed Parents and the Effects on Their Children
- Helping Children Understand and Cope with Parental Depression
- How Depression Affects Your Family
thats a really great way of describing depression - I'm pinning this to the Sunday Parenting Pinterest Board (cos its a great parenting post) thanks for sharing
ReplyDeleteThanks, Monko. :)
DeleteYou're so brave to be honest with them. Kids can handle so much more than we give them credit for. They love you no matter what. No judgements, no blame. All they want is their mom. It's not your job to sparkle all the time. It is your job to raise functional adults. You're doing fantastic.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind words. You are very right: all they want is their mom.
DeleteSo beautifully said. Your kids are so lucky to have a parent that is so honest and insightful!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anon. :)
DeleteSo sorry you have to explain it to your children, but so glad you've found the perfect way to do so. Here from The Sunday Parenting Party and will be sharing your post. Gracias
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Babushka!
DeleteThank you for this post. I am familiar with this situation but from the other side. I was the child who eventually learned that mom suffered from depression. I remember she used this sentence "no, I am not sad, I'm just tired" and I knew, whenever she was tired, that something was terribly wrong. I think, therefore, that replacing the word "depressed" with a different one didn't do the trick for me, it just created a mystery. But each family has its own unique dynamic and you know best how to address your children. Thank you again for openly sharing your perspective.
ReplyDelete- Sunday Parenting Party
Katia, do you wish your mom would have told you what was going on? Do you think it would have helped, or at least clarified things for you?
DeleteYour explanation is honest and not only on the level of understanding for you children's age, it is a pretty great description for any adult who doesn't understand depression. Here from the HV link up. Happy to have found you...hang in and take care!
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful way to explain the unexplainable!! I love your analogy of there being a door in your brain where the happy can't get out of. Thank you so much for sharing this. Hoping that your door gets unstuck very soon and that your happy is able to come back. :)
ReplyDeleteThat is such a perfect way to describe depression. I think that you're making the right decision. Kids would see through "fakeness" and want to have some real answers.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to check out some of those links. I feel so bad when I'm depressed and yelling at my boys and not caring about anything. I don't want them to grow up thinking I didn't love them OR having them treat people that way. It's so tough. Thanks for this!
ReplyDeleteI love this! I suffer from pretty intense post-partum depression (working on it every day) and I know if it's still around (which I think it will be) in a few years, I'll have to explain it to my son. I'm dreading it but I think it's important so they don't blame themselves for the mood swings. Good job, mama : )
ReplyDeleteThat is an excellent way to explain it. Thank you for the insight. I still haven't explained my depression to my kids and I want to have a talk especially with my older son who dealt with the brunt of it before I was diagnosed and treated.
ReplyDeleteI'm dreading explaining it to my kids. I've already put in so much time lying.
ReplyDelete"Mommy's not crying, I just have allergies."
"I remembered something sad, but it's okay now."
"Mommy's not crying, I'm laughing. Hahaha!"
It's tortuous. :(
I hear you on this one. I haven't had to explain it to my son but you've given me a great outline of what to say when the time comes.
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog because I am friends with Amanda over at Dirt & Boogers.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post! I have Bipolar Disorder and 5 kiddos. The oldest 2 are starting to notice when I hit a depressive episode. What a sweet way to communicate to your children about depression!